Family Systems

Family Systems
Sara E Grindstaff
COUN 502-B17
Liberty University
05/31/2015










The way a child is raised can determine so much in their lives. In the work that I do, I see daily how unhealthy family systems effect children mentally and physically. Most of the children I work with have been witness to a traumatic event in their lives and have had horrible things happen to them. Although they are placed into a safer and healthier atmosphere after these things have happened, they still have issues with coping, control, and behavior just to name a few. All of these issues can be found in different family systems and it is easy to see how an unhealthy family system could effect a child later in life.
Healthy Family System
After surveying people in the United States throughout the years, Dr. Richard Sale has found these terms are most commonly used to describe a healthy family system: commitment, time together, communication, appreciation, spirituality, and coping skills (Sale, 2001). For commitment, it is important that everyone in the family is committed to one another. Whether that be the husband to the wife, or the mother to the son, this helps show children that the family is important and should come first. Time together can also tie into commitment, by spending time with your family, you are showing that you are committed to them. Communication plays such a large role in a healthy family system. Being able to communicate with one another will ease the stress and worry that is often seen in today's families. Dr. Brooks noted in her presentation that authoritative parenting is the best kind of parenting because if offers communication from the parent to the child. Appreciation can tie in with authoritative parenting by being able to congratulate or reward a child when they accomplish something. Showing appreciation for one another in a family system shows respect for others and value or self-worth. Spirituality helps show children right from wrong and helps teach them the better side of life and that they are never alone. Coping skills is also a large part of having a healthy family. Being able to cope in the time of crisis shows how strong that family can be and can promote working together and better communication skills. A healthy family system can set a child on the right track in life from the get go, but these family systems are not always available to a child.
Unhealthy Family System
Carolyn Poole, a licensed professional counselor, has found several characteristics of an unhealthy, or dysfunctional family system. She states the following as examples: abuse, perfectionism, rigid rules/lifestyle/or belief system, keeping family secrets, unable to express feelings, triangulation, double messages, unable to have fun, inappropriate behavior/pain is okay, and enmeshment (Poole, n/a). Having just one of these issues can cause a family system to be unhealthy. Oftentimes I work with children who have been abused and taught to keep quiet about it or suffer extreme consequences. At a young age, this teaches children that when bad things happen, they should keep it to themselves and not openly communicate about it. There is little to no communication in an unhealthy family and as Dr. Brooks discussed in her presentation, this can lead to uninvolved parenting which in return can cause the child to feel insecure and have emotional issues later in life. How a child is raised can determine many things in their later years.
Effects of Family Systems
In her article, Katrina Simpson discusses two factors that play roles in the connection of healthy development and family systems, neglect and economic status. Neglect and abuse of a child often go hand in hand. Neglect can simply be described as not taking care of a child properly. Neglect is a form of the uninvolved parenting method which can cause insecurities, emotional issues, and overall emotional detachment (Simpson, 2014). It is often seen that children that grow up in unhealthy family systems will use the same unhealthy methods when starting their own family because they do not know any other way. If a child is neglected at a young age, there is a greater chance that they too will neglect their own children. A child that is neglected can also feel like they do not matter and that they will never do well in life so there is no need to better themselves or strive to do better. Also, a child coming from an unhealthy family system may feel like an outsider to their peers and have trouble with developing socially. Oftentimes the children that are considered outcasts or loners are actually ones that are dealing with very unhealthy home lives.
There are exceptions for children coming out of an unhealthy family system, some do try to do better because of it, myself as an example. My parents were divorced when I was 10, two years later my brother left for college and I was alone with my mom. She had to work multiple jobs and more often than not I was home alone. I had several other struggles throughout my life, but in turn they have made me a stronger and better person and have made me want to help those that are going through what I once had to go through. One verse that has always got me through life is, "For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal." (2 Corinthians 4: 17-18, KJV).




Reference
Joel Osteen 2015 Sermon- God's Ways are Not Our Ways. (n.d.). Retrieved May 31, 2015, from http://christianbiblelife.com/verses/this-too-shall-pass-bible-verse
Poole, C. (n.d.). Characteristics of Dysfunctional Families. Retrieved May 31, 2015, from http://www.cpoolecounseling.com/dysfunctional_families.html
Sale, R. (2001). Characteristics of Healthy Families " Office of Family Science Education, Research and Policy. Retrieved from https://parenteducation.unt.edu/resources/publication-university-north-texas-center- parent-education-partnership-texas-council-fam-1
Simpson, K. (2014, July 11). Family Systems. Retrieved from http://katrina1981.hubpages.com/hub/family-systems









Family Systems 5

Running Head: Family Systems 1